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[Jun. 16th, 2005|11:55 am] |
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| |  gloomy | ] |
i don't know what to do anymore about anything...
everything kinda seems like it's falling apart but at the same time it seems like its fine and sometimes getting better...this is what my whole life is like....one big mess...i don't know what to think about anything...
i miss having friends...everyone has to have someone they can go to when up set or when they need to get away, someone they have fun with, someone to talk to, you need friends! and i don't have any! jessi i only see at work we never hangout outside of work...rayshaun i hardley get to see at all anymore...he gets off later and then either he's busy or i don't have a babysitter... and thats it those are the 2 friends i have and they hate hanging out with me...i wouldn't blame them though, i would too...theres a few people i talk to online and theat only once in awhile...some old friends im too chicken shit to talk to and some i'll never be able to talk to again...i don't know why i can't stop missing them i don't know why i can't just be like whatever about shit and move on...im mean i know we won't be friends again, but i just can't stop missing them...and im too shy to make new friends...not that i go anywhere to make any new firends...my weeks is the same thing every week...im never home im always on the go, doing stupid shit too...it's not like im doing stuff i want to do im doing stuff i have to do 'cause i have no choice...i keep getting these bills that i've never seen before and they're passed due...i don't even know what the hell they're for! money isn't being managed very well right now...my life is falling apart!
i hate not living with chase...everytime i want to see him i have to live out of a suit case which sux!! i would leave some stuff there if it didn't disappaer which it always does...everything disappears in his house....im always rushing everything 'cause i gotta meet chase...thats what it seem like i really only go over there 2 nights a week and thats it...weekends...i can't wait till we can just live together again and i won't have to live out of a suit case and things can actually get done...
we found a place in chantilly, near lees corner...i don't know where it is but it's a 3 level townhome...bottom floor is kitchen living room all that shit, second floor is 2 bedrooms, 3rd floor is master bedroom...it looks kinda ghetto in the picture but it's a black and white photo so it may look better than it is...we put a donwpayment on it so we could get the place, if we dont' get it then we get the down payment back...it's $1075 a month and that was the down payment too...it's cheap...it's exactly what we need...it's $300 less then what we paid at the apartment...so it works out...i just really want to have everything settled...
they keep gonig back n forth on where they are moving us...they don't know if they are moving us to fairfax anymore they might jsut keep us here, everyone at fairfax is f'in' quitting and they don't know what the hell they are doing...im about to just get another job and say fuck it that way i know what the hell is going on...
im tired of not knowing whats going on!
im tired of being tired!
im tired of chase having his mood swings!
im tired of having mood swings!
im tired of getting shit for being pregnant again!
if theres anything else that could of been done other then be celebate please let me know! 'cause i did everything i could think of!
im tired of feeling so blah all the time!
im tired of not ever havng someone to talk to!
im tired of everything!!!!
the only thing that even makes me happy anymore is the babies...once in awhile chase and i won't fight...it's not like we have FIGHTS we just have disputes all the time and it's getting old...kenzie totally hates me too...she's always mad at me! but i dont' let her do whatever she wants im guess her mom does 'cause she's always a pain when she gets back...so yeah...
i need a little more happy.... |
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| omg |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|12:15 pm] |
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| |  sick | ] |
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| | allergies suck!!! | ] |
so much shit!
#1 i am being transfered to fairfax, it was supposed to be this week but since im doing jessis job this week too they think maybe next week and my job pretty much can't be trasfered...so im gonna get a whole new job which sux! 'cause i really like my job! everyone is calling over there to fairfax to try and get them to not take jessi over there, but nobody does anything for me...wouldn't it make you feel loved... im not that important to this location so i understand why they are tryin to get jessi to stay. i mean she does handle the deal in all...so yeah she might get to stay which really sux and is really unfair, but at least both of us won't have to suffer, just me! oh well...
angie is checking with floors to see if they have any jobs and to see when the benefits would start and if pregnacy is pre-existing for insurance, it's pre-existing with the insurance we have now...so yeah...big problem...as of right now im kinda stuck.
oh and jessi's pregnant and chase's little sister britney is pregnant too...britney is 16...it's kinda sad, but she wants to keep the baby so yeah...she's nervous you can tell, which she totally should be...she's happy she's pregnant at the same time i am i guess it gives her more comfort...so yeah...nobody knows yet, she wants to wait to tell her mom until she knows the due date. i know 'cause she told me and her sister jamie told me...chase knows 'cause i told him, but he won't say anything...he's worried about her too...i think she'll be okay after awhile...angie and britney's dad (mike) are gonna flip though! chase and kenzie when he was 16 but he was 15 when cynthia got pregnant so his mom totally flipped...but chase thinks that britney will end up living with his mom 'cause mike will kick her out...i don't know though...you never know until it happens....so yeah |
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| dammit |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|12:32 pm] |
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| |  stressed | ] |
yesterday we had an office meeting and fairfax (dale/mike) want to combine the accounting offices 'cause they are making cutbacks because fairfax is totally slacking! chantilly is being punished.wtf.
sooo they want to take ma and jessi to fairfax, me first...supposed to be by june 13....me and jessi both said we weren't willing to go over there...it's messy, disorganized, half the people don't do their jobs right, there's an unbelievable amount of pressure over there! they are upstairs in a little office with like 15 people in it no windows one door that always has to be closed and there's no air conditioning and the big boss refuses to spend the moneys to get it fixed....i really don't want to go over there at all!!! i would totally be uncomfortable over there, i don't know anyone and half of em don't do their jobs right...so basically the way i see it is that we signed our own pink slips when we said no... leslie said no too though and she's still here...but she doesn't know for how long....my job is so little that i think they could easily get rid of me and dispurse my job amongst everyone else...thats the way i see it, so even if i did go over there i think i would still get fired...the only bad thing about this whole thing is that im pregnant and i need the insurance to have the baby...it's $10,000 to have a baby with out insurance...i would be so screwed...soooooo thats the problem...
i was trying to talk to chase about it but he had guest so he had to call me back and by the time he did i had already gotten in a fight with my parents over it 'cause anytime i tell them anything im upset about the think im blaming them and that i want them to solve it when im really just telling them whats going on, thats why i don't talk to them! i tried to tell my mom and i was telling her my reason for not wanting to go over there, and i was upset so i was talking like i was upset...but then she started yelling at me 'cause she thought i was blaming her...my dad overheard and then he started to get mad too and then he was like i'll call my friend and see if he's got any positions open and thats not gonna work 'cause they're not gonna hire a pregnant lady for an adminstrative assitant...but my dad doens't know im pregnant yet...and then i finally talked to chase and he promised he'd talked to me when he called me back 'cause i was a little upset when i talked to him and then he tried to just say goodnight and go to bed and then he got pissy about it 'cause he wanted to go to sleep and then he was being a dick 'cuase he kept saying "what the fuck do you want me to do about it" like i wanted him to solve it!!! i just wanted some fuckin' comfort!!! is that too much to ask...i wanted to calm down...thats what i was trying to do, and everyone was just making it worse for me! i still didn't really talk to chase about it i did a little bit but not much...im not going to either 'cuase him and everyone else so pissed me off yesterday when i tried to...so this will not be talked about it...only written...
i swear everytime i have a problem everyone is either too busy or they get pissed off at me for telling them my problem...im jsut gonna keep to myself...
on a happier note i finally hungout with heather! it took a really long time but finally we did. we went to baskin robbins and kayden stole her chocolate ice cream cone and made a total mess of himself! but it was cute and funny...he kept acting like he was gonna throw it off the table, he's into that now.
kayden loves heather...he was pretty quite though i was surprised about that...but anyways it was fun reminising in all about girl scouts and what not... |
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| stress |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|11:58 am] |
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| |  working | ] |
10 weeks along doing good, i had an ultrasound, and this baby looks a little bit smaller then kayden at this point, but he/she is doing good. i hate calling he/she an it...it just makes me feel bad but it takes too long to say/write he/she every time so he/she is it now. k.
chase isn't as happy about this baby as he was about kayden prolly 'cause he's 20 and about to have 3 babies. but he's still happy i just think he's stressin' it a lot more now 'cause he's already got a custody battle going on and neither of us can fit another baby where we are now so we need to get a place but money would be so tight and we haven't exactly found any place yet. we have a realtor so were working on it, but it's not looking so good. sooooo....lots of trouble there.
we haven't been fighting much but little stupid arguments about the dumbest things has been happening!!!
oh well though we always get over it within 10 mins.
work....
changes...lots of changes...
since we got a new controler, dale, at the main store (fairfax) she keeps making little changes basically to show she's in charge, she reminds me a lot of my old fake boss laura...anyways....soooo she wanted to combine the 2 stores accounting departments together...so not a good idea. i can't work the hours i work and work in fairfax, traffic is way worse so i'd have to come in later and leave earlier...i got pick the kids up. anyways the offered my boss, leslie, a mangament position over there, which she declined and then dale wanted jessi to switch positions and do warrenties at fairfax which she declined 'cause she's the deal coordinator not warrenties, but she knows how and dale just doesn't want to hire anyone, which is what it seems like....well...leslie is going to lunch with dale and mike address(chief fincial) and they are going to dicuss combineing the offices, which totally sux! and is sooo not a good idea!! bad things is they also want to combine jobs...which seeing as how i do a rack of little jobs pretty much means im not gonna have a job anymore. which means i need to come up with $10,000 to have this baby 'cause i will lose my insurance if i lose my job and then if i get new insurance it's gonna be prexisting condition...so im fucked if i lose my job...i just hope we don't move to fairfax...
i'll die....
i hate fairfax! |
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| 12/26 |
[May. 25th, 2005|12:18 pm] |
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| |  thirsty | ] |
im pregnant again due date december 26.
i know a few other people who may be pregnant too.... |
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| survey of me |
[May. 17th, 2005|10:01 am] |
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| |  bored | ] |
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| mmmmm |
[May. 10th, 2005|12:13 pm] |
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| |  hungry | ] |
I WANT SOME CHERRIES!!! |
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| friday! |
[May. 6th, 2005|11:44 am] |
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| |  amused | ] |
Cady Heron
i went out to dinner last night with my mom/sister/granny/connie/tonya/steph/and ava right i left kayden with chase 'cause kayden wasn't being very good, so all through dinner chase kept calling to see when i was coming to get kayden, kayden was being a pain and apparently driving chase insane soooooo chase was having a hard time with him. chase isn't usually with him alone...so he hasn't done the whole father son bonding thing too much...he doesn't really know how exhausting kayden is...he knows how kenzie is, but kayden is totally different!
anyways so dinner was nice we went to lightfoot in leesburg...that place is mad expensive!!!! good food though! it was nice, but yeah....so thats the short story for today! |
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| 1993 |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|03:57 pm] |
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| | nauseated | ] |
i didn't know this happened until today 'cause i was only 9 when it happened and i didn't exactly watch the news then y'know...but this seriously upset me....i really don't understand how anyone could do anything even close to this to a 3 year old little boy! how could you torture a 3 year old!?! i honestly wanted to cry since i read this...and i read it this morning and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it....i just don't get it...he was 3! i could anyone do this to anyone! they were 10 yrs old when they did it and now it's being dealt with and they're getting off! how could you get off for doing this! they're like 22 now and living a totally normal life and getting new identities and basically forgetting it ever happened...they murdered a little boy, they took his life and left his father and mother devasteted and they aren't gonna get any sort of punishment for it!!! they should've been tried as an adult when it happened, i don't believe in the death penalty, but they should've spent they're entire lives in jail without any sort of a real life. they ended this little boys life for no reason at all, they didn't give him a chance to have a life and they are living a full fuckin' life like nothing ever happened!!! fuck!
if they could kill somone when they were 10 when your still really pretty innocent then what would stop them from doing it now??? what would make them change their mind? they killed a little boy in cold blood and didn't get in any trouble for it, they could just as easily do it again and get off again!
how can you not punish them for it! what kind of system is there if they don't punish them for it!!!!
that little boy is dead! and they have a toatally normal life!!!!
maybe this effects me more 'cause i have a child, i don't know, but i thought it was really fucked up...and i personally don't want to know every little detail to it, this little bit of info i have is enuf for me to be extremly upset over.....
( disturbing )
( petition ) |
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| overreatcing |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|12:45 pm] |
why do i over react to everything!
chase and i are perfectly fine...nothigs wrong at the moment we're getting along really well we don't hardly fight, we get into little arguements that last about 5-10 mins and then it's over...
he still wants to get a place but i still think it's the wrong time, but we're looking...
kayden only weights 15 lbs!!! he complains the whole time he's crawling!!! dammit!!!
gotta go. |
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| sooooo |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|12:10 pm] |
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| |  blah | ] |
so im thinking things are about to go right down hill for me....
it just doesn't seem like anything has been going good or right lately...chase for some odd reason is just getting mad or stupid shit and picking at little things about me...so the way i see it, once you start picking on little things its safe to say feeling have changed and it's going to end...im not so sure when it's gonna end but im pretty sure it's going to...bad thing is he wants to move out and get a place im kinda thinking we may or may not last that long soooo...im sketchy about what to do...i could possibly be over reacting once again, i am known to do that so i don't know....
kayden started to crawl! he does this inch worm thing and now he's starting to get on his knees and try to crawl! i can't wait till he crawls!!! he's also trying to walk...but he can't stand up on his own yet.
he walks around the table though...he does that all the time...
so thats the shortass update...other than that lifes kinda sorta really slow right now. |
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| hello all |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|11:40 am] |
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| | depressed | ] |
i went horse back riding this weekend with chase/alex right....never again.
chase is still really sick so he's gonna be a pissy bitch which i knew so i put that aside. well...i was driving saturday part of the way to hinton west virginia...the first hour....chase was a totally dick 'cause he says i can't drive (i can't really) and he gets so irritated by it...well he bitched a lot...and then we switched and alex drove the rest of the way...well we stopped to get chase some gin and juice...i said no and then he got on my f'in nerves about it so i just got it then he shut up and he wasn't a dick for the rest of the ride...then we got there at 1pm and we left at 6:30am...we got on the horses, and this is when i found out it was a 2 hour ride!!! so the horse i had, his name was luke and he'd been doin' the same trail for 10 years so he knew to follow the others horses and he knew not to go in front of them either.....
heres the order..guide and her horse - chase and his horse(red)- alex and his horse(jerry)- me and my horse(luke)- guide and a new horese (sally).....sally had only been on the trail once or twice before....she still freaks out at every little noise and movement so she's kept swinging her head around and kicking at something and make noises well...withing 10 mins. sally freaked luke out and he took off running down a hill...me only being around a horse for 10 mins ever in my life totally got freaked out and started crying once the horse stopped! but we kept going and luke was apparently getting irritated with sally behind me. and kept stopping to look back at her to see what she was doing and then the horse in front of him would get further away and he thought they were leaving him so he'd run...and then he kept running me into trees, which my mom says they do, and then luke kept stopping to eat and putting his head down and the guides told me not to let him do that so i had to keep pulling his head up and then he kept trying to rip the reins out of my hands and i freaked out every time he ran 'cuase he totally scared the shit out of me and i started crying so i was on edge ever since the frist time he ran and didn't really pay attention to anything else except the horse...and then if he got to close to the horse in front of me, jerry, then he nip his butt, so i couldn't let him get too close...and so the whole ride luke was totally not cooaperateing with me...the guides said it was prolly 'cause of the younger horse behind him and he just got irritated with her...i was okay unitl about and hour and 15 mins. later i wanted off and i just wanted to walk, but i couldn't...so i kept going but i didn't calm down until the last 10 mins. of the ride 'cause i knew we were almost to the barn. it wasn't the greatest experience, but i might go again if it's a much shorter ride....2 hours your first time being around a horse is just too long.
chase was worried about me the whole time and kept turning around to see if i was okay and he was being really nice...i figured he would've gotten mad 'cause i was crying 'cause he usually does if i cry, but he didn't he was being really nice...
on the way home alex drove the whole way at about 90 mph....and everything was good till about 7:30pm...then alex started saying that if he was chase he would've killed himself by now (me being his girlfriend) 'cause i was a horrible girlfriend...and he kept saying that i was really bad at everything that invovled the relationship...this of course pissed me the fuck off 'cause alex is hardley ever around and doesn't know what the fuck he's talkin' about and he wasn't even talking to chase when we lived at the apartment and for the first 3-4 months we lived at chase's house so alex doesn't even know half the shit chase and i have been through...and it pissed me off more 'cause chase sat there drunk and didn't say anything to alex at all.
so then we get to centreville alex is still going 90mph in my car on 66 where he's only supposed to be going 55 and he's weaving in and out of traffic, i didn't feel like listening to the both bitch at me so i didn't say anything. we got to my house a drove from there and i took a route they didn't want me to take and they started bitching at me for it so i pulled over 'cause i have a hard time driving when theres 2 people yelling and bitching at me at the same time...so i pulled into a shopping center and i was going like 5mph and i slammed on my brakes 'cause they both got REALLY loud and woke kayden up and they both flew foward and chase hit the dash with his knees...which i did feel bad about 'cause he has serious problems with his knees so i said i was sorry about that but i said i wasn't moving until they stopped bitching...well they got a lot louder and made kayden cry so i just went behind the shopping center at 30-35mph and theres a dip in the rode and i didn't know it so i flew over it and scared the shit out of alex and chase apparently...alex got out the car and wouldn't get back in, which is fine 'cause he's a total dick(but i'll tell you about that another time) so he was being a baby and chase said to just go so ileft him there, his fault.
chase now is bitching at me because i left alex there (he wouldn't get in the car and chase told me to go)
so chase has been pissed off at me since....
sunday chase wouldn't talk to me all day and around noon he said he wasn't gonna talk to me until i apologized to alex, which i said i had no reason to apologize for and i wasn't gonna do it, i finally gave in 'cause its a stupid fight and i was sick of it so i said sorry and then chase still didn't talk to me!!!!! so i will never again give in!
they are both being babies about the whole fukin' thing and they can both kiss my ass for all i care! i didn't do anything wrong concerning them. yeah i shouldn't have been at that speed behind a shopping center with kayden in the car, but that's the only way im wrong. fuck them.
oh oh oh...around 9pm sunday i was getting ready to go home and then chase asked me to wait for mike to get there so i could get mike some beer....mike got there and i told him before we left that i wasn't going to safe way 'cause i hate it and i didn't want to go, i tell him every single time 'cause he always asks so now i just say it i dont' even wait for him to ask....well he fuckin' went towards safeway and i told him that he could go there all he wants 'cause i wasn't getting out of the car. so then he bitched and whined the whole fuckin' way home...we were going through the neighborhood and all he did was bitch about me not wanting to go to safe way 'cause he had to have a reason, and then he started bitching about everything that i do and every way i do things. so i said fuck it - im not buying beer...he fuckin' acted like i owed him something. i was doing his piece of shit ass a favor and he was being a dick about! so fuck him! no more favors for mike! and he didn't apologize either! and chase yelled at him, but didn't even tell him to apologize which pissed me off 'cuase that very day we got into over alex and me apologizing. yeah so whatever...at least he yelled at him...
so this weekend totally sucked 'cause everyone and there mom bitched at me!
i've calmed down since, but im feelin' pretty shitty though...lately it's been almost impossible for me to get along with anyone...and i don't know why...im doin' the same shit, but they're bitchin at me now about it....fuck em all!
so thats the story for the weekend
sorry it's so long but i felt as though you needed to know all the detail to get the full effect... |
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| episode 1 |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
i totally had an "episode" yesterday at work....yeah that sucked...i started crying for some unknown reason...yesterday on the way to work i got really depressed and i don't know why...the only thing that i can think of thats been bothering me lately is the fact that i totally don't have any friends!!!! i have work friends and i have friends that i talk to...but no friends that i really see...
mari is damn near impossible to get a hold of and impossible to hangout with, not saying it's her fault or anything! she's a busy lady!! she can't help it! and she never calls me! sweetie im not tryin' to make you feel bad! im sorry if i did!!!! i still love you<3!!!! don't be mad at me!!!
and jessi is a work friend and a workout firend....and if eric isn't around then she'll do something...eveytime i've ever asked her to hangout it's always been "let me see if eric is doing anything or if we have plans" so i gave up on that...
rayshaun i talk to ALL the time, but i only get to see him once a month or so and it's usually just me and him and i don't think he likes that too much and i think he's usually bored when we hangout....i think he does better in the small group thing...anyways i don't think he likes to hangout with me 'cause jessi is totally pressing that i hangout with mari more. she didnt' say "rayshuan doesn't like hanging out with you" or anything along those lines it's just that her pressing i hang out with mari makes me think that maybe rayshaun said something to her....and this was only one conversation, but even after i told her the problem with hanging out with mari is...she still pressed it....and she said i could always go up to fast eddies...i don't drink...im not the bar type....not gonna happen except once in awhile maybe...anyways...but she didn't suggest i hangout with rayshaun or her more it was mari more...soooo....made me wonder a little.....
and jessi told rayshaun about my "episode" and he laughed 'cause he always does when i cry, always has always will...and then she said that "someone" said it was an attention thing...and that i always have to be taken care of and feel like i am being taken care of and i need a lot of attention and now that i had kayden im not getting any attention and it's all to him and thats why i started crying to get attention...basically saying im an attention whore and if i don't get it i throw a fit...and that i don't like to be alone...the not likeing to be alone things is totally true, i hate being alone, but everything else totally isn't! this isn't an attention thing, and if jessi wouldn't have kept asking me whats wrong i wouldn've kept it to myself, but she keeps asking...and then she bitches at me for it...ex: my episode yesterday, she keeps bringing it up! she could just leave it alone and not talk about...i would rather not talk about it...no offense to jessi or anything but when soemthings wrong with me she doesn't let it go she keeps bringing it up and saying im being stupid...that doesn't help me at all!
sooooo...thats my problem...i have no friends...and everyone is just gonna say it's my fault and i could just go make new friends....do you know me at all!!!!! i don't make friends easily!!!!! |
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| bitch fest |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|11:47 am] |
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| | happy | ] |
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| | mariah carey | ] |
everyone in the office just sat and bitched about f'in laura (old fake boss) from when leslie was on vacation....i don't know how it even came up but it did and we just told leslie everything that happened and that f'in cashier liar barbara kept saying how she hated laura too and how she wanted to quit and yeah so she's a fuckin liar! fuck her lieing bitch....
anyways....
i got my license in case anyone wanted to know....i hate driving too! it f'in sux! i almost hit somenoe the other day, but that was only because she totally slammed on her brakes out of nowhere 'cause of this pot hole on stone, there weren't even any cars infront of her....yeah totally scard the shit out of me....fuck...and i had kayden in the car! sooo yeah... i've been driving everywhere you could possibly drive! i really am not liking it and im getting used to it...but im not getting used to driving alone! thats what i hate most is driving alone! and chase being an ass made me drive alone the 1st day i had my license! and i begged him to come with me and he felt bad about leaving mike and chaz on chaz's little b-day get together at bull run camp grounds...it was an excuse to stay and extra 1/2 an hour...i had to get kayden so i couldn't....he stayed a lot longer and then he was home by 12am i left at 10:30pm....yeah that pissed me off, but whatever it's over now....
chase is being a good boy for once....he's doing everything he's supposed to and he's not being bad...except he's on probation and he drinks, but thats not as bad i guess...he's been beggin me lately to get drunk with him....but im so not going to 'cause i hate it! it taste so f'in nasty! he got a mai tai when we went out to dinner one night 'cuase his friend was a bartender and it totally doesn't taste the way it did when i had one! so im thinking that maybe i didn't have a mai tai and it was something different 'cause the drink i had was sweet, and it was green, and good....mai tai was orange and strong as fuck! totally didn't like it...
anyways....kayden is still lazy and won't do anything! lazy butt...but he's still so f'in cute!!! i need to buy him some new clothes /toys....hmmmm.... i need new clothes too! wtf! i have nothing to wear at all not even outside of work i hate this shit! but im lovein' the weather!<3 |
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| fuck |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|10:20 am] |
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| |  aggravated | ] |
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| | pieces of me | ] |
i don't understand why everyone thinks that i need to do more so that i don't get yelled at by anyone.
my mom yells at me about anything and everything even if i have nothing to do with it.
i help her cook dinner i help with laundry i help clean up i help with the dishes and still i get yelled at. she bitches when im driving ~ if i go the speed limit, im going too slow. if i go 5 or 10 over the speed limit, im going too fast. if i slow down to check if theres cars coming im stopping and im not supposed to. apparently i can't do anything right. i know im not ready to get a license and she doesn't think so either so im open for pointers in all, but not stupid things like that.
anyways my point is i help her more than anyone does and i get all the shit, but thats the way it's always been. i think it's because im the oldest girl and she expects more out of me but whatever.
she's been yelling at me a lot more lately but she won't tell me why, she says i can't do anything about it, i shouldn't try to do anything about it, and if i did try to do something about it then it wouldn't be right.....this makes me think it has somthing to do with kayden and chase. we're over at chase's on the weekends and i think she wants to see kayden more on weekends or just all together more, and there really isn't anything i can do about it. until my dad stops being stupid and lets chase come over to my house then this is the way it's gonna be soooo he needs to change his out look on this.
i just don't know what to do. theres more to this then me just getting yelled at. nobody at my house will help my mom. emily sits on her ass and flips her shit if she has to do anything and says "why can't tim do it". tim sits on his ass and flips if he has to do anything and say "why can't emily do it" daniel will help if asked to and i always do unless she's flippin out more that day and then i try to stay away so she doesn't yell at me anymore. she refuses to punish emily or timothy for being a fuckin' brat. i can't remember emily ever being punished except on time she was being a total bitch so she wasn't allowed to have anymore sleepover for that week. that was it!she's never been punished in any other way for anything else! soooo it's total bullshit.
this situation is putting so much stress on me! chase can be polite and nice to my dad why can't my dad do the same thing? this isn't fair for me to have to go through this jsut so i can see chase and so chase can see his son. my dad likes to make everything harder on me than it already is.
some people suggest that i do things, but im already doing them, i can't do anymore than i already am im doing all i can. then some people say i shouldn't go over to chase's on weekends....and that if i got my license then i could go over there when ever i wanted....i go over there on weekends 'cause thats pretty much the only time i get to see him and thats the only time he really gets to see kayden. but they say i should change that and see him some during the week. he doesn't get home till 6:30-7 o'clock kayden is asleep by 8-8:30 and he's ready for bed as am i by 9:30-10. so weekends is really all we have y'know and i dont' really want to change that y'know. so whatever.
i don't think im being selfish in taking kayden over to chase's on weekend and me going to chases so i can see him. so whatever. |
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| forgot |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|11:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
yeah i totally forgot to mention how kayden peed on me 3 times this weekend! and and he POOPED on me!!!
HE POOPED ON ME!!! POOPED!!!!
i had the worst timing this weekend with him.
i pulled the diaper back 'cause i thought he was done doing his business and guess what i shot out his butt right on the top of my hand...i sat there and looked at him for a minute and he laid there stunned and then he started laughing!!!!
he already likes to torture me....but i love him he's still a cutie pie<3 |
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| 2 years |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|10:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
saturday was mine and chase's 2 year anniversary...long time! i can't believe we've been together that long! especially all the shit we've been through...thats a good thing though.
so we hung out all day and he was my slave for a day! it was awesome!!!
we went to the movies and saw constintine, which was awesome!!! i love that movie!!! i thought it was different then anything thats been coming out, it's not the same old horror movie...i thought it was kinda scary, but not so much the events as figures and faces kinda like the excorcits was scary! the first time i watched the excorcists me and erica had to stop it and finish it the next day 'cause it was sooo scary!!! the faces and the voice. whoa scary.
andways i definitly recommend constintine, i felt it was worth the money.
so we did that and then we just hung out...
he got me a ring! first thing that chase ever bought me that was with money he got legally! he's never bought me anything but flowers 'cause he's always been low on cash and he made me stuff instead, which i honestly like better, but anyways it's gold (im getting it white gold) and it has 1 oval peridot in the middle and then on either side it has another smaller oval peridot and then it has 2 small dimonds on either side...it's so pertty i love it! i think it was a thoughtful gift. im really suprised he remembered my birthstone thought. i didn't think he would. i can't wear it yet 'cause i need to get it sized it's way too big for me, so next weekend we're gonna go get it done and i can get my other rings sized and one of needs to be dipped. so yeah.
i got chase the rest of his skateboard, i got him the actual board for his birthday, but his mom threw away the other stuff and he didn't know it so for our anniversay i got him that stuff, thats all he wanted, he hasn't stopped talking about it that shit since he got the board. it's not like he could go skate anways it's f'in snowing out. i guess he just wants to have the whole board.
so that was our anniversary...i liked it i thought it was nice, even though we couldn't really go do much, i still had fun.
so im at work and theres one piticualr salesman that thinks i can't do my job or that im not 'cause every time theres a customer waiting up here he thinks he needs to help them 'cause im not, and they are usually waiting on someone, does he really think im just gonna sit here and ignore a customer whose just standing there? seriously. and when i page someone he picks up every single page there is even if it's not for him. and then he says "oh sorry i thought it was for me" you can't really mix granby up with jessi or leslie or kevin or alby. wtf! he pisses me off! he need to go somewhere else. and he's a fuckin' theif!!! he steals everyones stuff all the time! if something comes up missing he's the first person everyone thinks of.
someone stole my trash can today! a trash can!!! come on! it's not like you could've just moved it or something, 'cause theres only 4 desks in the accounting office and thats it, you'd actually have to carry a trash can across the dealership for it to be out of site from accounting! how is someone gonna steal a trash can!!!??!!!
okay thats my venting for the day.
mmuuuaahh<3 |
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| doors |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|11:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
so out laundry room door apparently is borken and you have to turn it a certain way to open it, well seeing as how i've been at chase's a lot i didn't know it so all freakin week i've been turning the knob and running into the door! i turn it and expect it to open and it doesn't so of course im still walking and run into it and it's been all week and i still haven't learned yet! it's starting to get on my nerves.
i tried to open it when i was really mad ran into it and of course i was mad so no matter what i did the fuckin' thing wouldn't open and i kept running into the f'in door!
just thought i'd shared that with you.
february 26 ~ 2 years! |
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| babies! |
[Feb. 21st, 2005|10:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
kayden was sick all weekend long! kenzie was sick thrusday nite and friday and her stupid ass mom took her to new york to see a 1 week old baby when she had a fever of 103....what a dumbass! #1 you don't take a child that sick on a trip #2 you don't take a child with a fever of 103 to see a newborn! thats dangerous to the baby! cynthia is an idiot for doing and if the mother of the newborn let her see her than she's and idiot too!
anyways kayden was sick friday nite and all day saturday he had a fever of 103 too...firday nite he was up all nite crying...i gave him tylenol but it didn't do anything. he slept for maybe 20-30mins at a time, so needless to say i didn't sleep at all...i woke chase up once and he had kayden for about an hour and i slept 15mins. i didn't wake him up more 'cause he had to work saturday.
saturday he was fussy all day but pretty much just laid around all day.i think the only time he smiled was when chase got home from work. i felt so bad for him...
he doesn't have a fever now but he's still sick. he's getting better though.
ummm....rachel puckett is 4 1/2 months pregnant and married! wow!
alex knows her husband (thats so weird to say) and he told me that, and they think it's a girl, but you can't really know yet, she can't be very big and it's way too soon. i think she just wants a girl.
anyways alex says that she's changed a lot of things in her husbands life now, somethings he told me are totally understandable, they're things you need to change when having a baby.
they don't live together...and alex said he thinks her mom knows that she's pregnant, but doesn't know about the marriage...
i just can't believe she's gonna be a mommy and that she's married!
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